I want a goose that lays Gold eggs for Easter...
When I was a little girl I used to always tell my mom that I wanted this or that, usually because I had seen a commercial, but mostly because I was bored. She used to look at me and tell me "you just have a case of the wants."
And she was right. I didn't want just anything, I wanted all the things. I was a modern day Veruca. Except my wants weren't full of silly gold egg laying geeses...no my want list was full of puppy (kitty, pony, bunny...man did they bank off that franchise) Suprises, Water Babies and baby Alive. And when I got those things I wanted more.
This has carried through adulthood. Just now instead of wanting Lisa Frank stickers and Littlest Pet shop toys I want fabulous clothing, a perfect house and a backyard garden fit for a farmer. Basically, I yern for my inspiration boards to spring to life and make me "happy",even though I know that true happiness doesn't come from material things.
I know this.
In fact,I am chicken pecking the keyboard AS WE SPEAK because I channeled my inner Kardashian and got acrylic nails last week. And yes, in case you were wondering, I did debate going with pointed nails because Kylie Jenner, but then I actually took a moment to realize that I wouldn't look as rad as the youngest Kardashian/Jenner heir...but I would instead look like the crazy lady in the faded yoga pants with a grown out pixie (not even half as cool as Kris Jenner, might I add) driving the beat up 2002 Honda Odyssey van with the scratch down the side from that time the hubs didn't see the fire hydrant at the pumpkin patch...I'm pretty sure they would have upped my creep factor to a million.
But I do these things anyway.
Why? Maybe because I think that this last thing will be "the thing". You know, the thing that makes me happy. That whole can't eat, can't sleep...(insert it takes two quote here). The thing that makes me feel worthy of this life that I lead. The thing that tops the whipped cream. The cherry. I'm always looking for the cherry and also eagle eye cherry because I loved that "save tonight" song but that's neither here nor there...
The truth of the matter is that my life as a mother is an amazing journey. It's the best rollercoaster in the theme park, with the highest puke volume. Regardless, it's the ride I always wanted to take. This is my dream, and I'm so blessed to be living it. It's just that Motherhood can be a lonely gig sometimes. It's a weird feeling to have children draped on my shoulders, staring with direct eye contact while I use the bathroom, and literally latched on my body 24 hours a day all while feeling so alone. Partially because kids and toddlers just can't discuss the pressing questions about the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills like I need them to ( did Brandi get more fillers at the reunion? Did Kyle get veneers?), but also because the person that I was before is nothing but a former skinnier shell of what I have become. And even though I tried with all of my heart not to lose myself, I changed because creating these beautiful humans changes a person. It just does. It's something that my non-parent friends can't relate to yet, and my friends who are parents are so caught up in their own children and lives that they are too busy to be a part of mine. And that's okay. It's all a part of life.
However, it's hard to not want more. That's the funniest thing about perfection, you can never achieve it. And freaking Pinterest is going to kill all of us trying.
I want a party with room fulls of laughter
But we all keep trying.
10,000 tons of Ice Cream
Because more will make us happy right?
Well... maybe the ice cream part for a little bit... but then I would just get mad at the weight and start a weight loss Pinterest board AND I HATE FREAKING GRANOLA. So even that would be a bust.
Sigh, Oh well. Maybe someday I'll stop sounding like a lonely loser and begging you all to please, please, PLEASE be my friend.
Or I'll just fast forward to the best part of the movie, throw my wants down the egg-decator and choose to live happily ever after.