8.06.2014

One Pyramid short from being Egyptian.

Everyday I log into Facebook and am asked to join a new Facebook group of someone selling the most amazing thing.

And like clockwork, I fall for it. 

Every. Single. Time.

It's almost like I have this underlying attraction to the pyramid schemes. I literally will take whatever bait you are giving me. Got a pyramid you're trying to climb? Sure I'll join your team. I'm your number one demographic of sorts. 

Are you selling an opportunity of a lifetime hidden behind a mediocre product? 

Yes?! 

Well sign me up. 

Seriously, I have signed up for almost every pyramid "opportunity" presented to me. Usually because I want the free product and discount, but secretly I too want to be a part of a "revolution". I mean, who doesn't want to get rich quick? The problem is to actually sell anything, you have to basically live it and be willing to interject it into your daily conversation. Which really isn't easy for me because  I'm usually  too busy focusing on my correct social cues to segway flawlessly into a sales pitch anyway. Plus, the whole haggle everyone you know bit gets pretty old. Especially when you have to offer them multiple miracle products in one lifetime. And I feel like a old tymey swindler who should be twisting his handle bar mustache while peddling my products from town to town. The whole idea just feels so dirty to me. 

But maybe I just fell for the wrong ones, you say. 

That very well could be. I started my pyramid journey with Mary Kay. Those stinkers got me twice actually. I mean, who wouldn't logically make the career choice to join a family? Especially when the entire investment cost the same amount as the face wash system you were going to buy anyway?  I'm no investment banker, but that alone is worth the constant call forwarding of your regional director. Hindsight, although I used to be a makeup artist, I really never used Mary Kay, nor do I hardly wash my face ever so I didn't even get my money's worth on that one. To boot, the cute carryall that it came in broke the second time I used it. I guess it was never meant to be. 

Next I attempted the climb to the top of the health and fitness pyramid. I pimped out Advocare and Herbalife, and almost body By Visalus,  that is until my son drank it and had a severe allergic reaction. I think that was God's way of telling me that I had no business pretending to be in good physical shape.  I'm really no fitness guru, and I hate working out, but those products tasted like milkshakes and made me skinny...that and the 500 calorie a day diet, but you know...results! Am I right? 

About Thirty one monogrammed bags later (see the pun) I decided that I was officially done with the scheme. But not until I checked out Stella and Dot, Oragami Owl and even LulaRoe Maxis (okay that one was super cute, I just didn't have the moolah to commit).

See a pattern here? 

Basically, I'm a product junkie with a love for the Pyramids. You can just call me Cleopatra. No really, call me that because I smell like a middle eastern Goddess covered in Frankincense. 

Unrelated: If you have any questions or would like to learn more about essential oils, shoot me an email at thejesselaine@gmail.com. Just kidding, I have no idea about anything except for DIY cleaning products...so if you email me I'll probably just throw around some buzzwords while secretly just being happy that all of my labels match. But I promise to let you use my 25% discount.

*hangs head in oily shame*








2 comments:

  1. Jess,
    Lol as I too feel your pain. However, I'm now a LulaRoe consultant and love it, the clothes, the connections. It truly is different. 😆

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jess,
    Lol as I too feel your pain. However, I'm now a LulaRoe consultant and love it, the clothes, the connections. It truly is different. 😆

    ReplyDelete