Today is one of those hard days. You know the ones, the days that you wake up broken hearted and empty.

The type of day that you realize that this growing up stuff really isn't easy. The type of day that you would just like to block out of your memory.

Oh,  but this day. It tried so hard with it's unseasonably warm weather. Almost like the sun smiling down upon us assuring us that everything would be okay...almost like my dad is telling us from heaven that "everything will be okay".

Today is March 11th and today is my dad's 68th birthday.

Growing up all you ever want to do is just grow up already. Seriously, I spent the majority of my life living rather safely. I knew that my main goals in life, though seemingly shallow to some, were to someday be a good wife and mother. I never dated anyone that I wouldn't want to marry. I never went for the "bad boy". Even though my underlying aspiration to "get out of this town and go" I never followed it. I guess I was just too afraid. In college, I had a brief moment of spontaneity and wanted to move away. It was actually all in the works when I got the devastating news that my dad had stage 4 colon cancer. It was the day that would change my life forever. My best friend in life, my partner in crime was no longer invincible.

That whole feeling of helplessness has never left me.

You see, there's just something to be said about a girl and her daddy. That bond, when nurtured and cared for over time becomes unbreakable. Even in death.

I often wonder what my dad would think of me today. Would he think I was a good mother, would his eyes light up when he saw my boys? Would he help me with my crazy home improvement ideas and teach me about cars? Would he still be my best friend? Would he still be crazy Lare? I hope all of those answers are a yes. And as hard as it may be, I need to remember that the my beliefs deep down in my soul tell me in time that I'll see him again... but that hope doesn't take away the pain of today.

Today is a day that I will remember him, and smile through the pain.

Because today is and forever will be his birthday.

Happy Birthday Daddy.

1 comment:

  1. I lost my father when I was younger and I often wonder questions similar to yours- and you know what? I believe the answer is yes to all of them. I hold on to the belief of an after life, where I will see him again and we will rejoice! I also believe that he is here with me, whispering encouragements and praise- even if I can't hear them- and I bet your father does too!