Upon finding out the gender of this baby, I was so overcome with emotion. Not only because I've always dreamed of having a little girl, but because having a girl comes with completely different responsibilities than my little guys. Body image, Fat shaming, Bullying...all of these are things that girls deal with on the daily. And as much as I hope that all of those things disappear, I know that girls have it way harder than they ever have. It will be my job to not only teach her, but to show her how to love herself, to not fall victim to the world and it's criticisms.
As the new year approaches, it's only natural for me to want to make a resolution that I may or may not keep and declare in a booming voice that "I will be better at everything", but this year feels different. Especially with the excitement of our new little girl. This year just feels like I need to really do something for myself. This year I need to learn how to be me. Gracefully.
2014 is the year that I just want to be who I am, and actually love myself for it.
But what does that mean? Let me flip it back and reverse it for ya'll.
Yesterday my husband changed his Facebook picture. Not a big deal for most, but my husband is an over thinker.Every last detail of his life is carefully planned an thought out, it's one of his greatest qualities after all, so I know that he took his time carefully selecting his favorites. The picture he chose was taken last week at Christmas, it really was a good family picture, but the second that I looked at it I completely overlooked my husband and our beautiful boys (my best accomplishment to date, might I add) and immediately started to criticize my every feature.
My skin was too pale, my eyes weren't symmetrical, I hated my hair and makeup etc. The laundry list of things I hated about myself went on and on, so much to the point that after telling my husband, he offered to change it to make me feel better. In fact, I may *cough *cough have made him feel badly for choosing a "bad" picture. After searching through a year's worth of family pictures with nothing to my liking, I finally realized, that perhaps the pictures weren't the problem.
The problem is me.
Maybe it's the promise of the new year, the developing friendship with girls who stand on soapboxes made of poor body image and defend and fight for the beauty in all of us (ah hem Brittany Gibbons), or the realization that I want my daughter to love herself...I'm not really sure, but the one thing I do know is that I have to stop picking myself apart, and just be who I am.
So instead of making my usual irrational claims of not cutting my hair for three years, living life completely organized and clutter free, or lying to myself about starting a workout regimen, 2014 will be the year that I will finally look at a picture and deem myself worthy and lovely.
This is the year I want to just "be".