Clouds in my Coffee.

Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday.

There's a reason Wednesday Adams got her name.

 Dark...  check

 Mopey... check

all around just blah...check check check

To put it lightly, Wednesdays are not my favorite day (or my favorite Adams Family member for that matter).

I'm not sure if it's the gloomy end to a gosh darn, near perfect, weather week, or because of impending life uncertainties, but I have had a seriously serious case of the mopes today. Or as Doc Mcstuffins would probably call it MommyMopesalot-itis. I should know, we've pretty much been tuned in and diagnosing all day.

Now I'm not here to whiny whine all over the damn internet about how hard it is to be a stay at home mom, heck that's pretty much every undertone to every post I've ever written, but I am for one second letting myself be vulnerable.


Whew. There I said it. Wait you didn't catch that?

Deep breath.

Often times I find myself wondering if being home with my kids is what is best for them. 

Please don't get the idea that I'm looking for pats on the backs and comments to pad my already huge head (all jokes aside, my head LITERALLY is huge. Too big for my body), because that is not why I'm airing my dirty laundry out on this measly ole' blog.

But seriously. I know being home for my kids is the best job in the world. I know that these moments don't last forever and my being with them is something that they will cherish into eternity...

 SERIOUSLY. I know. 

I also know, that before I know it they'll be grown and gone and too busy for their momma, but on days like today, when everything that can go wrong has, I can't help but worry. I worry that my sour mopes will rub off on to my little guys, who are learning everything from their mama day in and day out. I worry, that I am not teaching them the right things, to prepare them for life. I basically worry that I am screwing everyone up. I mean, isn't there more blame on stay at home moms if their kids grow up to be weirdos? Statistically it makes sense, and honestly there would be no one to blame but me.

Being a stay at home mom is heavy stuff folks, and on days like today, when I've used the word "no" 4 billion times and yelled more than I've talked, I end the day feeling almost regretful in my decision to stay at home, and fearful that my children will resent me and my mistakes. I question myself, and sometimes think "being at school may be better for them, teachers are nice all the time... right"?

Tonight,  as I am typing this post I feel pretty darn defeated.

And maybe it's just the glooms, this day called Wednesday or the mosquito bite on that corner of my ankle that I just can't scratch fully talking, but I'm going to go right ahead and chalk this day up as a wash...of course, not before I sit down with a good hub snuggle, a hot cocoa and perhaps a microwaved marshmallow/rice krispy treat concoction.

Goodnight ya'll and better wishes for tomorrow.


No comments:

Post a Comment