Another Cracker Barrel Debacle.

So sometimes I have these lapses in parental judgement, and I think to my self I got this, when ninety nine point nine percent of the time that is not the case at all.

Literally every eating out experience with my children is exactly like that. I'm an over- estimator like you wouldn't believe and as any parent can attest, taking two small toddlers out to lunch is a feat. Added on top of that the fact that my kids are deathly allergic to most main food ingredients, well, let's just say to get through the experience you need to have endless patience and balls of steel. Since I have neither, I tend to leave a bit stressed every time.

This was the Cracker Barrel Chain of events:

1. Arrive in the Cracker Barrel store full of porcelain trinkets and crystal candle holders running full force with arms out, near missing every item like a Blue Angels airshow, as mommy is constantly apologizing and picking up the wreckage in their wake.

2. Touch, handle and try to put every candy, edible and non-edible in your mouth while, the adults are cleaning up said wreckage as seen in number 1.

3. Play with the toys, remove all of them from their alotted location, then leave them in a huge pile to move on to something else interesting (that A.D.D. is genetic, huh).

4. Smell the candles, attempt to take a bite out of the candles, and then go back to more smelling. After all they look nice, they must taste nice too right?

5. Sit down at table and have the annual meltdown about how the "game" is missing one piece. Try explaining that one to a three year old. On an unrelated note, Cracker Barrel should start serving alcohol.

6. Order food, using the word allergy 6 million times to a freaked out waitress who fears the lives of two screaming toddlers in her hands.

7. Take Theo to the potty.

8. Get food, begin the task of cutting it up while simultaneously sitting hands from touching anything that will send us to the emergency room.

9. Eat a bite.

10. Take Theo to the potty again.

Then Nine and Ten basically repeat until I decide to call it a crapshoot and head out to the front porch.

My favorite part of the day however was when I took both boys into the potty for the one thousandth time, and they both literally touched every surface. Seriously, while one was going the other was spelunking under the bathroom stalls, touching toilet seats and trying to touch the water. When everyone's business was finally done, we were washing hands and two men walked in, while unzipping, plopped their man junk in the urinals and began their business.

Yup the urinals.

I was in the dudes bathroom.

Let's check out those rocking chairs guys.

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