The good, The bad, and the bathing suit from hell.

Hot days are perfect for frolicking in the sprinkler, and drinking from the garden hose...at least, that's what we used to do back in the day, but these kids nowadays, these darn kids, have newfangled inventions like kindle fires and splash parks. Seriously, that garden hose stuff is so 1992.

So like the oober-cool and trendy hipster wannabe parents that we are, we loaded up the kiddos and headed to the newest and hottest (ayOH summer pun) splash park in the city, appropriately shaped like a pirate ship, which is tres cool. I mean, pirates are totally in. Just ask Mickey Mouse... he owns a pirate (Jake) , while simultaneously keeping a classic Peter Pan character relevant (Captain Hook). Can  that mouse do anything wrong? I think not. Well played Mortimer. Well played. 

As we were acting out our wildest Pirate scenarios, Theo decided that the play park just wasn't pirate-y enough, and that he wanted to head to the regular park (just on the other side of the fence)  so Hubs and I decided to do what we do best and divide and conquer. Which also seemed to work out perfectly since the hubs "accidentally" forgot his swimming suit and I had changed into mine upon arrival in the back of the van.

So there we were, just me and Elliot splashing, and running about like total crazy folk. Oh and did I mention that I was wearing my high wasted hipster swim suit? You know the one with the wonky top that never latches correctly? Yup that one. And sure enough, since I didn't take my time while I was dressing in a parking lot in the back of our minivan,  and fully latch the back, all of that bending over to pick up my one and a half year old, must have kept wiggling my bikini top more and more loose as the afternoon wore on.Finally, it became so loose that when I bent over to pick up Elliot and swing him through the sprinkler (his favorite game),  my bikini top became completely unlatched, snapping together like a rubber band that was stretched too far,  and there  I was, left only with the  vintage looking floral fabric hanging from my neck like a limp scarf from a 1980's business meeting, none of it covering anything of importance. To put it loosely, I had flashed the entire splash park. And not the fun type of flashing where you get Mardi Gras beads and pretend that it's socially acceptable since it's in a parade. Nope...this display caught me completely by surprise, which in turn made me thrash around in a weird dance slash wrap type motion, trying to cover myself, while re-strapping my swimsuit, and picking up Elliot, who was screaming and drawing even more attention to the whole situation.

Great. Not only was I the tart who showed her goods at the Splash park, but I was also the tart who was neglecting her kid, while trying to create a human bra made out of arms, while picking up a kid with said arms without showing tots at the Splash Park. I was a freaking mess.

Needless to say, somehow I managed to pick up  Elliot who created a human chest cover and stopped screaming (two birds on that one) , at the exact same time that a nice lady ran to my assistance, and re-buckled my top. I don't know who she was, or where she came from (probably heaven)  but I know that she was part angel, that or she was saving the children from having their innocence stolen by the topless lunatic dancing around like a fool. Regardless of her intentions, she helped me more than she'll ever know,  and in a world were women throw each other under the  bus constantly, it was awesome to see someone so selflessly have my back...and my front. Without even being asked. Hashtag She saved my boobies.

Oh,  and if you are wondering, I did what every other red blooded American would have done. I went along my splashy way and pretended like everyone there hadn't just seen my goodies...because damn it, nothing gets in the way of a good treasure hunt. Not even the embarrassment of the bra top fiasco. Besides Elliot didn't even notice, or care.

And rumor has it that Bathing Suits are overrated anyway.

So there.

This picture was taken approximately 5 minutes before my top decided to re-create the Stacy's Mom music video. "Elly's mom has got it goin' on"...Has a ring to it no?

1 comment:

  1. Haha! And, oh dear. I can imagine this happening to myself except for the fact that I hate splash pads, and swimming suits. But if I did ever wear one, it would probably be a high waisted one. Preferably with a top that latches! New follower from Okay, Allison!