It would be my life dream to read a David Letterman top ten list. But until David goes searching the Midwest for a minivan driving mom for a casting call, I'll have to settle for my own top 10, on my own dinky blog. Because if DIY network has taught me anything it's that you use what you've got, and well I've got a blog. So here goes.
My Top 10 annoyances right now...
10. After two straight weeks of Choreographing hip hop routines to "Can't hold us" by Macklemore, I still can't seem to get all of the words down. It's ridiculous, I mean, circa 2001 Jess would have totally been able to white girl rap every single word. Flash forward to 2013 and mom- cut Jess has gone soft. Seriously, that whole part before the shark week "Rah" part is foreign. Absolutely genius Macklemore. G-E-N-I-U-S. Mad snaps dude.
9. Everything and I mean everything in my house seems to be breaking. Right now the flavor of the week is our washing machine. I think it broke because it's 90 degrees and our clothes are extra heavy with sweat. That or we shove too much stuff into it demanding that it can wash a 40 pound load of towels in 20 minutes. All I'm saying is that if the washer can't handle it, then don't make it an option Kenmore. Oh, and while you're at it, tightening a bolt shouldn't cost $285 either. Jerks.
8. The heat. I know that I am a fickle little pickle about this, but 90 degree weather is almost misery. Luckily we are saved by the good grace of the hose and air conditioner, and our neighbors with the pool, but having to sunscreen every nook and cranny of our melanin free bodies is tedious. And rather annoying.
7. The sniffles and sicknesses that keep lingering around my house. Go away. Summer sickness is the worst. Get out of town illness. You are no longer welcome here.
6. Pimples. Enough said.
5. Cracked cell phone screens and the fact that no one told me about the durability of a Lifeproof case until after said crack happened. Had I known about this totally rad phone case, I could have not only had 100 Instagram photos of my feet in the swimming pool (did I mention it's waterproof), but I could have saved myself the hassle of getting 2 new phones in 3 months and paying outrageous insurance deductibles. Knowledge is power folks, and now you know.
4. Theresa Giudice's hairline, and the mere fact that I cannot replicate it. Under my annoyance lies pure jealousy. Little green monsters are everywhere right now.
3. Bathing suits. I'm all for woman's lib and feeling good about my body blah blah blah, but it's way easier to feel great about yourself when you aren't looking at your love handles and cellulite covered thighs in the bright sunlight surrounded by tons of people wading elbow to elbow trying to beat the summer heat. I am the epitome of body confidence everywhere except for pools, they are in fact, my Kryptonite.
2. Bruce and Kris Jenner. Divorce or not...make up your mind! I mean, it has no bearing on my life whatsoever, and I really don't even watch the Kardashians, but I want my supermarket tabloid headlines to go back to interesting covers, like how Tom Cruise is an alien or how Michael Jackson is still alive living in a crypt in Egypt .When the National Enquirer starts reporting stuff that could actually happen, I believe the end is near. It's just weird.
1. My self confidence. I have this major personality flaw, in that I'm afraid to speak my mind and I get nervous to put myself out there ( I know the irony is ridiculous, I'm writing this in a blog after all) And since I'm working so hard to shape my online personality, I'm trying to find the correct balance between being myself and being totally confident about a web world that I basically know nothing about. To put it lightly... I'm damn scared, because with new opportunities come new growth and new openings for criticism. It's funny, how grown up life resembles high school. And although I'm super annoyed that I'm not 100% confident yet, I know that I'll get there. Sooner than later, you just watch.
So now it's your turn...What's annoying you right now?