5.02.2013

who needs melanin anyway?





Especially with the invention of sunscreen and UV protective clothing. Oh and newsie hats, we can't forget newsie hats.

Ohio just upped the ante and joined the rest of the union, holding hands and singing Kumbuya , cranking up the weather and starting off spring with it's A game. Yup this May was brought to you by Coppertone and that little girl showing her ass on the bottle. So what does that mean for us you ask? Hot HOT weather, heavy breathing and that sweat stain in between your butt cheeks that only shows when you bend over to fish a grape out of a choking 1 year old's mouth.

Ahhh Spring. At it's finest.

Spring for me means getting out of the house and pretending to absorb vitamin D, although the 40 layers of Coppertone kids 100+ sunscreen makes the body act as though there is a sunshade awning surrounding all sides of me (go go gadget sunshade).   All of this is great news for me and my offspring, who's DNA just didn't get the message to include melanin into the equation. Bottom line...WE. ARE. PALE.

So spring and summer are pretty much a huge bother, not only do we appear to be vampires but we tend to hide indoors on extremely sunny days, following the ole' Twilight stereotype to the teeBut sometimes, I take the risk, lather the boys and myself and go balls to the walls, because even the worst sunburn is better than being stuck inside on a sunny day, with two boys , at my wit's end attempting to accomplish anything productive. I'd rather peel new skin than to hear that darn theme music to Cailliou one more time.

So out and about we go, usually to the museum on rainy days and zoo on sunny days (before it gets so hot that the elephant poop starts complaining). Today was a sunny, so we went with zoo.

Even on a day trip, I over pack, over analyze, over stress, over over EVERYTHING. By the way, I think they should hand out Xanex with the maps at the entrance, I feel like it would be more beneficial to the wildlife and society in general because taking a newly potty trained kid to the zoo is a train wreck. Especially taking a newly potty trained BOY, who would rather pee his pants to ride the train one more time than to take five minutes to rest. Then it's all about negotiation. My T is strong willed, and if he doesn't want to go, then he doesn't want to go and he makes that very clear with the shrill screams that come floating out of the shifty smelling family restroom, which almost makes me proud, because of the whole "don't let strangers touch you there" lesson, but also makes me uncomfortably feel like I have to surrender upon exiting and show everyone my Episiotomy  scars as proof that I am his mother and that I am not interfering with his "private squares" despite the haunted house screams echoing from within.

I mean sheesh, why can't this kid just see that I don't want to have to clean up accidents just as much as he doesn't want to have them. Dude, the elephants can wait, they are like 40 years old, they'll be here when we get back. 

And then I blink and there's a mysterious puddle on the seat of the train. 

Deep breath. The zoo smells like urine regardless so what's a little more going to hurt right? They won't even notice. 

Oh! But in other news,  I guess I kept the sunscreen rally going effectively, because we all arrived home unscathed and as alabaster as the un-dead. Um forget urine, VICTORY just happened and we won the sun battle, at least this time.

So all in all, it was a pretty good day.

Chalk it up as a win.

Sponsor that Coppertone.








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