To keep with the theme of unrealistic expectations, I tried an experiment...one week without blogging, and minimal postings on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.I didn't tell anyone just in case I totally blew it and gave in to the social media pressure, because as a lifetime sufferer of not having my shit together-itis, I was afraid that I would fold and not make it to the end of my challenge.
Thus began the super secret week long experiment known only to me by the code name " pretend like it's 1998".
The first weekend should have been the hardest, but lucky for me I lost my phone in that useless side door pocket in our van, and by the time that I realized that it was gone, it had been dead for hours. So after about 24 hours of frantic searching followed by 24 more hours of cell with drawl, Monday was a breeze. In fact, I was kinda enjoying all of the freedoms that life had to offer, instead of hiding my face in email, texts and photos. I actually got to see things happen as they were happening through my eyes, and not through the lens of my Iphone camera.
At one time on Tuesday, the thought even crossed my mind that perhaps I could get used to the simplicity of living anonymously. Later that evening however, I reached down on a whim into that side van pocket and found my deader than a doornail phone. Just as easily as my new "simple life" began, it very quickly ended. Like a kid in a candy store I rushed home to plug it into the charger as I anxiously waited for the glowing white apple to appear. As soon as it did, I made my social rounds, checked my favorite blogs, answered a few emails and tried to jump back into the moment with my hubster and kids.
But I just couldn't.
Call it lack of self control, call it narcissism, call it whatever you want, heck I can't even explain how I was feeling, I just felt like I was missing out. Almost like that feeling when you call your high school best friend to ask them to come over, only to be rejected to later find out that they were in fact., hanging out with all of your other friends without you? It kinda felt like that. Minus the ugly crying and the "air gaspy sobs (I was very sensitive as a child)".
So when it came time to finish out my challenge, (Wednesday, Thursday and Friday) those last three days seemed to creep by, and I found myself becoming unhappier and unhappier.
Why was I so unhappy you ask?
I think part of my womp womp mood had to do with my serious seasonal allergies that have wrecked havoc on my immunity and made my eyes look like I've been in a basement with Cheech and Chong all week (itchy pink eyes piss me off).
But the biggest realization that I came to all week was that my happiness depends on being able to talk to people. I am completely unhappy when I am isolated from the rest of the world and social media interaction is a huge part of who I am. Yes, we all once lived without this giant web connecting us, and it's possible to do so again, but completely unnecessary. Kind of like how I could survive without a toilet like my ancestors did in the olden days, but I'm just not in a place in my life where I don't feel it necessary to poop in a hole in the ground to prove to the world my ability to show self control.
Being connected is not such a bad thing. I've met some of the best people, gotten to see some of the best shows and been given some of the best opportunities, all because of this little thing called social media. Even though it can be daunting sometimes, social media is the new way of life. Like it or not, it's here to stay, so I'll be riding this bandwagon all the way to the finish line.
It is always important to take in every moment and experience life, but don't beat yourself up about not fitting into any specific mold. Yes I am a stay at home mom, but I'm also a writer, and a blogger. Just because I am not the "normal" doesn't mean that I am any less of a person. Just because I enjoy writing and sharing my innermost thoughts on the internet, it doesn't mean that I'm obsessed with myself.
My week long experiment taught me new things about my old self. It taught me that I'm still the same blabbermouth kid telling everyone about how my mom had to put the head lice treatment on my hair despite my mom's shushing (I get now why she was shushing headlice ew), it taught me that even though I'm a little bit older I'm still the same blabbermouth telling stories that are only 30% funny but 100% entertaining.
And have no fear, I plan to keep singing my Random Blog Drama from the rooftops all day long via the internet.
Join me won't you?