5.24.2013

Birthdays Smirthdays.

Today is the day that I spend  reveling  in Facebook notifications and attempting to identify the persons singing various renditions of Happy Birthday on my voice mail.

It's my birthday ya'll.

Which is usually a time to celebrate, and I am, but not outwardly. Awe hells naw. On the inside I'm all like those bratty girls on my Super Sweet Sixteen, you know the,  It's my day... do what I want (whiny voice), but on the outside I'm all like "oh my birthday? today's my birthday? huh I must've forgotten... silly me hah hah (fake chuckle) act totally cool, because that's what you do. Over-zealous birthdays are so done, like The Wade Robeson Project or Pimp my Ride or something. Being excited for your own birthday is not only shallow...it's soo 2002.

But alas, here we are...May 24th. The day of my entrance into the world 27 years ago via c-section. Can we all just raise the roof that I've made it this far? I mean, seriously, it's shocking that no has tried to knock me out, seeing as how I literally have no filter on my words.

So that's something to celebrate right?

But it wouldn't be a proper birthday without a little self-loathing, and irrational goal setting. So here I go.

1. I'm giving up cap sleeves 

I know that the second that I see an on sale T-shirt dress, this is all going to go out the window, but I hate the way I look in cap sleeves. Maybe it's my straightened out barrel of monkey- like arms (they are so long Stretch Armstrong looks at me weird), or maybe it's the fabric, but they just look odd and to top it all off, they get caught in my armpits. Then I get those pit wrinkles, that even ironing can't remove, so I'm only left with the option of starching them, and no matter how bad things in life get, no dress is worth starching your armpits. That's a number one life low point. Such is why I'm going to attempt to lay off the caps for awhile.

2. I'm not cutting my hair until my 30th birthday. 

I'm making this goal and even I'm calling bull on this one. I mean, on paper this idea sounds great, but I'm already going into it with the underlying agreement with myself that  " yes I'm growing it out, but I'm  'allowed'  to get a trim". Then my irrational rationalizations will begin to take over and I'll justify to myself that 4 inches is necessary for "healthy growth' and before you know it I'll be hipster bound again. So yes, I'm attempting this, but I give it a year tops. Sorry self, I just don't have that kind of faith in you.

3. I am going to write something great every single day

And by great I mean something decent and by every single day I mean, like twice a week. Let's be realistic.

4. I am going to stop making unachievable goals for myself. 

This one may actually be attainable, at least for this post. So I'll finish up by saying no more regarding my birthday goals. Boom, just like that, I've met one Birthday goal already! Hip hip hooray... 2 points for me. 27 is going to fit really nicely I think. Here's to hoping I can squeeze every last drop of fun out of my 20's and bottle it up to drink in my 30's. Hey Hallmark...I'm not sure if you just heard those cash registers ching-chinging, but I think I may have just written your next best selling Birthday card. You're welcome. 

Cheers to Booze, Birthdays and Blog posts chock full of narcissism.

Happpppppppppppp-yyyyyyyy Birthday tooooooooooo meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.




^^^This just in...This was my  200th Blog Post! Wait, aren't I supposed to be successful by now? Haha Kidding.

 In all seriousness though, THANKS for stopping by... without you reading this there would be no Random Blog Drama. It would just be Random Drama, which is kind of the web equivalent to The Jerry Springer Show... and we all know how that show is viewed by society. So take a bow for reading this, you truly are a rockstar.

Thank you Thank you Thank you! 200 down millions to go right?


XOXO,

Jess


















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