Last night was a tough night for my kids. You know those nights, where everyone wants just one more minute of mommy time, on more drink of water, one last story...and so on and so on. All of these shenanigans lasted until about 3:30. Then Elliot was hungry at 4:30. Then up at 8:00. Forgive me if this post has more grammatical errors and awkward wording than usual. I'm running on fumes and coffee.
Oh, but these kids. These kids are so cute and delightful this morning. These kids are in glorious moods; up and bouncing off the walls.
Funny how that works isn't it?
During our night of the living dead, my mind was wide awake. Thinking a thousand thoughts a minute, thinking about how I can wake up and make tomorrow a better day than all the days before. Thinking of my life and who I am, and thinking of the value of the time I spend doing the things that I do.
Basically, I began to question myself and why I blog.
Not that I have to justify anything to anyone, but sometimes it's so refreshing to take time to re-evaluate what makes you tick. And this blogging thing, really keeps me going on those days where I feel like I need a friend to vent to.
I can't help it, my personality has always been an open book. For as long as I can remember, I've always been an over-sharer. Within five minutes of meeting someone, you'll know who I am, the cost of what I'm wearing, when my next period will be, and the gory details of my birth experience. In fact, the less I know someone, the more awkward I tend to be. Not on purpose. That's just the way that I'm wired. Luckily, up until this point in my life, I've been blessed to have met people who embrace my over sharing and celebrate it.
But everything changed last year. Last year we moved to Cincinnati. Not just anywhere in Cincinnati, but a particular side of Cincinnati where everyone has been here since birth, and every one's great great great grandparents went to school together. It's not about where you went to college, here it's where you went to high school. Down here tradition is so strong, and although it's one thing I love about our town, it's the one thing that makes life tough for a young mom from "somewhere else", with an over sharing problem. It's only an hour away from my hometown, but sometimes that distance feels like light years. Sometimes I feel like I'm in another world.
Sometimes I feel like I'm in kindergarten all over again "Hi, my name is Jessica...will you be my friend?".
"please please PLEASE be my friend"
Sigh. Pathetic to the millionth degree. I know. This whole experience has given me so much respect for those military servicemen and their wives, and the business people who are constantly moving and trying to adapt to a new place. Meeting new people is awkward. Meeting new people who already have their friends from birth and don't really need new ones is darn near impossible.Add to that the fact that our schedules are nuts, and we don't have time for going out and spending time with the few people we do know. Thank God for neighbors and sunny days, without them I may never have any human interaction, with anyone over the age of 3, at least until they go to college and I meet their roommates parents (ahh a girl can dream eh?). Forgive the pity party I'm about to throw, but my loneliness is part of the reason why I blog.
I blog, because it's my outlet. The Jess Elaine is my new Dear Diary, minus that stupid password that I could never remember (although, I could still sing you the entire commercial, funny how that selective memory works).
I blog because the Internet is full of lonely mommies, who love to read and commiserate with me as I tell daily happenings, like how during yoga class this week, I unrolled my yoga mat to find a teeny weeny piece of baby poop that had slipped out of our new cloth diaper venture, and how I stealthy rolled it back up without notice, and took care of the situation in the bathroom and sanitized my mat completely, not missing a beat and jumping into downward facing dog as though nothing happened. If that's not talent, then I don't know what is. Because being a mommy is so much more than just reading "what to expect when you're expecting".
Being a mommy is tough.
Being a mommy is a job worth celebrating every victory and milestone. Even if that particular victory is being able to discreetly hide your baby's awry fecal matter, while simultaneously doing yoga (as to not appear suspicious) without batting an eye or touching one (UM can we say pinkeye...ew).
I blog because we are mommies and we all have a story to tell.
Thanks for taking the time to commiserate with my stories, and having the stomach and the endurance to handle my over- sharing.
Today we can celebrate our victories together.