My transformation to a lunatic is now officially complete.

It happened. 

Theo had his very first without mommy and daddy activity. He had his very first gymnastics class. 

The verdict? He. Loved. it.

I mean,  is it too early to claim that he's a total natural? He owned those bars like a boss and he had the time of his life, running, jumping, attempting anything and everything. And the best part of the whole situation was that he did it all without fear.  Rock it little man. 

Oh, but how did I handle it?

Not so well. 

You'd think for someone who has taught little kids their entire life, that I would know how to behave. I can't tell you how many times in my life I've thought, " When I'm a mom, I'll never be like so and so, I'll never be overbearing". 

Dead wrong. 

I was dead wrong. 

In my defense, there wasn't actually a separate waiting area persay...just a half wall that I would look over with level 11 anxiety, taking pictures and shouting instructions at Theo, as though I didn't quit gymnastics after two lessons (hey that rope was really, really high). And even though I knew how crazy I sounded, I couldn't stop myself. Despite the looks from the teacher, the students, the other parents, and possibly people who were driving by...I mean I was yelling really loud , so who knows? 

After a few hours of reflecting on my behavior and  channeling  my inner child psychologist (i.e my rational thinking brain) I believe that my outbursts were attributed to not being ready to let go of my job as a mommy and not being able to bear the thought of anyone else teaching my baby. Let alone anyone else being a better teacher than me. Ugh, just the though of it made me sick to my stomach. Those words kept echoing in my mind all day. 

This teacher can teach gymnastics better than me.  

Better than me

Better than ME?

How can this be? Who does she think she is? I carried him in my uterus for nine months and pushed him out after 2 horrible hours of  labor! Not to mention the countless hours of nursing, rocking and kissing boo boos...now this gymnastics teacher can just waltz right in with her cookie monster doing a cartwheel stamp and now she's the best thing since sliced bread? Not fair man, not fair at all.

I used to be the best thing since sliced bread in Theo's world... at least until this gymnastics class. What happened in the 45 minutes of class may not seem like a big deal to most, but Theo took his first steps towards growing up. Ugh how could I allow this tom foolery to commence? This growing up stuff is for the birds anyway! 

But Theo embraced it like a champ. 

You see, Theo was ready to start gymnastics today, but clearly his mother was not. She was not ready for the realization that her baby is growing up, and that she can't stop it. She was not ready to give up control and to humble herself to realize that though she may know what's best for Theo, and that her guidance and care were not needed for the 45 minutes of class.  Mommy didn't get the memo to take it easy, sit her bum on the bench and shut up. 

Boy,  those Mommies sure can be dense sometimes. Correction...I can be dense sometimes. But after 6 hours reflecting on my behavior I realized that A.) just because I'm "cutting the cord" as we speak, it doesn't mean that I can't be involved and B) having control all of the time isn't the same thing as having love for my son. Yes,  it feels better to have control, but by giving Theo the space to be his own person gives him room to make mistakes without fearing letting me down and to grow and thrive the way he is meant to be, not just the way I want him to be.

At the end of the day I want him to become a person that he loves. Whether that be a professional gymnast, baseball player, musician, writer or just pain Theo. I want him to be passionate about the things he loves, not the things I want him to love. 

Soccer mom, stage mom, whatever you want to call it, I was her today. Annoying, loud and overbearing. No wonder I was so tired after the 45 minute class...do you know how much exercise it is pacing back and forth the length of a gymnastics gym? Enough exercise to justify eating half of the Easter candy, that's how much.

Even though my transformation to a lunatic mom was complete today, it was all with the best intentions. I awoke today hoping that Theo would enjoy this new adventure, and by george he did, and I actually made it through without getting kicked out of the viewing area. 

So today was a win win right?

Theo left with a smile and I found out that there is a bar two doors down from the gym  (kidding...I'm kidding) 

So today was a day for Small victories and  tough realizations. All in all not so bad. 

Oh and  by the way, Elliot has learned the best  method of coping with his looney mommy. Ignore it and sleep. Clearly he was neither impressed by his mother's behavior or the gymnastics scene.Way to inch out of that embarrassment little brother.

He's a smart one that little Elliot.

1 comment:

  1. Hey I might know about the bar you are talking about ;) I'm not kidding.