Don't Come A knockin'

Front door  (and dining room mess in the corner) with boots ...come on spring!

I have the utmost respect for Missionaries.

Regardless of faith, knocking on people's doors, visiting foreign  countries and  being able to handle negative response to your belief system takes a ton of guts, or spiritual gusto if you will. Honestly,  I'm not sure I would be able to handle the pressure or the sheer awkwardness of what you may find on the other side of the door. 
Let me set the scene for you. 

It was Monday evening. The hubster had to stay late at the office, so I was preparing dinner and finishing up the day's tasks before he came home. The last few weeks have been really stressful on him, so I wanted to alleviate some of the pressure. Yup you heard right, mostly anti-domestic Jess was rocking it...at least attempting to anyway.

It was just hitting dusk, and Theo was helping me cook dinner while Elliot was taking his evening snoozle. Everything was going great, but as Theo was helping me stir the pot roast, he immediately jumped off of the chair he had been standing on and exclaimed "Oh no Ma ma...I have to go potty!". Since he is about 90% potty trained I did my usual celebratory cheer and helped him with his pants as he ran into the potty alone so he could have "some pribeacy". 

Continuing to cook, I awaited the flush to allude to the fact that Theo was done, but instead I heard the doorbell ring. Assuming it was just the neighbors, I went about my work.  We kind of  have an unspoken code.No answer means thet it's too cold for my littles to play. That way Theo doesn't have to actually see the neighbors, because once he sees them it's over. He will lose his mind until we all lose ours and finally give in to his demands. I dare anyone to try to negotiate with a tired, irrational tired. I guarantee that you will give in at some point. You have to pick your battles. You learn that in Parenting 101. 

 But Theo heard the doorbell also, and assuming that it was the neighbors he jetted out of the bathroom butt naked, because by George, he was going to get there first

And that he did. 

However, instead of opening up the door to find cute smiling neighbor kiddos, my butt naked son opened the door to find two stern and very taken aback Jehovah's Witness Missionaries. 

I guarantee that they weren't expecting to preach the gospel to a 3 year old in the buff, just as Theo wasn't expecting to hear their sermon either. And sometimes when you aren't expecting something, the sheer element of surprise and terror (in Theo's mind I'm sure) causes your body to do things that it wouldn't ordinarily do.

Like pee on the floor inches away from their shiny patent leather (and very expensive looking) shoes. Splashing urine all around them like the Trevi fountain... it WOULD.NOT.STOP. 

My naked child, that appeared to be home alone (remember I hadn't made it to the door yet), freaked out and peed on the floor, while two very bewildered missionaries stood there with their mouth agape. 

I know what you're thinking. 

Mother of the year award, right?

For what seemed like an Eternity (really was probably about 5 seconds) I reached the door and  apologized muttering something under my breath about "potty training, still getting used to it, we really love Jesus" as they speechlessly thrust their pamphlet into my hands; quickly turning on their heels and practically running to the sidewalk. 

Their faces said it all. 

This was clearly a first for them. As it was for all of us. Instead of the usual missionary experience in where you almost have to convert to get them to leave so your dinner won't be charred , my son unknowingly scared them away. I'm sure that experience will have them talking about our house for years to come. I'm sure everyone down at Kingdom Hall will be laughing about the little boy who almost peed on the missionaries.

Talk about a dirty job, and there's nothing worse not knowing that you do a dirty job until it's too late. Those poor guys were so taken aback, I'm not sure they'll ever make their way around here again. I think we scarred them for life. 

I'll say it again, I have the utmost respect for Missionaries. 

1 comment:

  1. "scared them for life". not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.. lol