Sometimes the hardest thing about being a mommy is teaching by example. Today is one of those days.
Today I just don't want to be nice. Of course I'll force myself to, but darn it, my patience is running a little low.
Elly's still sick, which means that last night was an almost all nighter of rocking, singing, changing puke covered sheets and worrying. I wish I could be one of those cool calm and collected moms who don't agonize over every breath that their child takes, but when my kids are sick, my anxiety overtakes my rational thinking brain and moves in.
My house is a mess, germs are everywhere, laundry is exploding higher than my head and my bathroom carries the odor of little boy potty training regardless of the million hours I've spent scrubbing and mopping.
Not to mention I also woke up to a huge pimple the size of China in my eyebrow.
This is a pajama day if I've ever seen one.
Any mom with a sick kid, knows how helpless you feel and how uncomfortable your sick child is unless they are being snuggled and hugged every second. Secretly with one child I loved days like that...it was an excuse to cuddle and nap.
Now with two, it's just an excuse to have 3 extra cups of coffee and a blog post rant.
Don't get me wrong. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my kids more than anything in this world. And I adore snugging and cuddling with Elliot when he feels sick. I just feel guilty.
I feel guilty that there isn't enough Mommy to go around on days like today.
I feel guilty that Theo is on his second episode of Caillou (the most whiny show ever) so that I can hold Elliot, clean up breakfast and try to change the laundry.
My intentions are good, I guess. I want to be the perfect and nice mommy that my boys deserve.
I just don't have the energy.
So today I will say a prayer giving me strength, and I will just try make it through.
Because although I know that I am so blessed to have this mess, this home, these boys, this life... days like today make me just want to complain and use sarcastic metaphors.
But I will keep on keepin' on and plaster on a fake botox smile, even though on the inside I feel like this...
|isn't he adorable even when he's sad?|
Because it can only go up from here right?