Sheeshers. I feel old.

I'm beginning to feel old. Which is kind of ridiculous, seeing as how I'm only 26 years young. This over 25 business is really no joke.

Plus I'm almost sure having two kids and a husband (OK three kids) adds another 15. Boom. Just like that I'm 41.

After a weekend of crazy dance events, a baby shower, and more dance, I'm ready to crash and sleep for 10000000 years. But since that's not possible, I get the next best thing. Hanging out with my boys in our PJs all day. At least until 3:30, when I actually have to put on a bra and responsibility to teach this evening. Damn those bras. Blast the person that created them. I can almost guarantee it was a man.

All in all it was a great weekend, but a busy one. Which reminds me that it will only get busier when our boys become involved in sports and activities. Side note, I also realized that I am already a soccer mom (add 5 years now...now I'm 46 ) when demanding of Theo that when he plays soccer outside with the neighbors that he do better. Theo is 3. The neighbors are much older. Hey, if you're going to do it, you've got to be the best right?

Regardless, this cold, dreary Ohio weather has my bones aching and my head cloudy. I feel like I'm one yawn away from narcolepsy.

But the worst part of getting older? I'm beginning to forget. I forget what it was like to be newly married, I forget the excitement of Theo's first milestones, heck I'm even forgetting the excitement of Elliot's birth...and that was only a year ago.

I'm also beginning to forget details of those who are no longer with us. Daddy's great sense of humor. Mamaw's accent, Nanny's sweet demeanor, Aunt Joyce's great shopping stories, Aunt Kittie's loving embrace and scent. Uncle Jim's hearty laugh...

Getting older is hard. Change is hard. Life is hard.

Sometimes I wish that I had a time machine that I could travel back in time with my boys, so they can experience all of those things for themselves, but I know that's not possible. That's not God's plan. It's mine, and although I claim to know all, I'm far, FAR from it. Days like today are great reminders that He is in control, and I am not. Days like this surely make me eat crow and ask for forgiveness.

Dreary, tired Mondays make me realize that it's my job to show my boys through love what all of those people meant to me in my life. I am their portal to the past, and their guide through the future.

But most of all, I am their home in the present and their ray of light through the cloudy fog.

Add another 20 years.

That makes me 66. Today I feel like I'm 66.

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