1.03.2013

I bit it.

For those of you that know me, you all know that I'm clumsy.

For those of you that really know me, you know that I have a sixth sense that tells me when I'm going to fall. The ground gets shaky, and I just feel fallsy. Not woozy or dizzy, just a gut instinct that tells me, that in a short amount of time, I need to slow down or stop what I'm doing all together. I think it's God's way of saying Hey jess. HEY YOU...YEA YOU!  Heads up! Look alive otherwise this fall is gonna be embarrassing. Hold on to your britches it's gonna be a doozie.

 Seriously. I can't make this stuff up.

My close friends can tell you stories upon stories of me falling down flights of staircases (at dance competitions) straddling bleachers, out of school buses, in hallways at school (only while carrying tons of books...stereotypical, I know) and countless times outdoors. Which actually I've tried not to count, because isn't that what the outdoors is for? Really experiencing the feel of the earth with your whole body? You know face down? No? okay...

But when I haven't fallen in a long time, I know that Jess Fallsalot is lingering around any corner, and that pretty soon I'll get that feeling again.

It had been awhile since I took a really good public fall so naturally I was due for something spectacular. And in true Jess fashion, it was nothing short of just that.

Not going to set the scene with actual details...I would like to  preserve the teensy-weensy sense of pride I have left.

Jess parks in a popular store parking lot to meet her mom who has brought her dinner and parked side by side to drop it off before she is set to teach her next dance class. 

To save her mom a walk in the somewhat snow covered parking lot, Jess trots over to her mothers car, excited and thankful for a yummy dinner. It was then that Jess became totally unaware of the fallsy siren going off in her head. 

Before she realized it, as she had often done  so many times before, she began letting her pure excitement lead her into a quick run. In doing so, blatantly ignoring her God-given instincts to slooooww dowwwn. 

As Jess is facing  away from her mom's care (sideways to her own) after receiving her food, she hits a piece of black ice slipping sideways (at a speed that would make MLB base runners jealous) sliding on her side (as though she were sliding into home...SAFE) only to land under her car which was  still running and spitting out under car yuckies in her face. 

Sheepishly Jess crawled out from under the front of her car, all while imagining that this is what the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles must have felt like crawling out of the sewer in front of people( you know  all slow and saunter-y like). And her immediate reaction, like every human being that takes a death defying fall, was to look around and see who saw it...laugh... then quick as a flash... hop back in the driver seat and pretend that it didn't happen. 

End scene. 

Two things that I'm very thankful for in this situation;

1. Thank goodness my mother had driven out of site before the slide of the century occurred. The last thing we needed was for her to be scared out of her mind, and for her to don the ole' irrational thinking cap. Our irrational thoughts tend to feed off of each other, and I didn't want her to be sent into a tailspin of worry thinking about the what ifs, like that I could have ran myself over (it's a stretch but hey, it could have  happened) or that I needed to be seen by a doctor for a brain injury,  when  all that was really "injured" was my pride. And my non falling track record that I had begun to accumulate. Darn it. Back to square one.

2. I'm also super thankful that I was actually okay, no major bumps or bruises...heck I even thought about how I could have hit my head and died under their waiting for help (see irrational thinking is genetic). The only real  casualty was my leggings, which happen to be the official uniform of unplanned falls. This only happens so that I am assured an embarrassing reminder of the fall by having holey knees with bloody scratches sticking out for the rest of the day. Not a good look on an "adult" who has hopes of appearing "respectable".  ahhh the nostalgia takes me back to my old elementary falling days when mom would have to re-sew the knees of my leggings almost everyday. It got so bad that she finally sewed denim knees in all of my stirrup pants (again wishing that I could make this up) so they couldn't get holes. Ingenuity (or frustration) at it's best.

I write these stories to try to help others with the lessons and morals that I have learned throughout these crazy ordeals.

Moral of this story...when your gut, mind, body, and especially if  GOD himself tries to tell you something, you better listen and listen good.

Otherwise you'll end up like me, 26 year old who needs completely unfashionable denim knee patches on all of her leggings...

Not to mention a lifetime supply of band-aids.






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