Let me preface this by saying that I am thankful to even have the option to be home with my boys.
I've been thinking a lot lately about my path in life. Wife, mom, friend, coach, daughter etc, I wear a lot of different hats in a day. It's so crazy to me when I see how successful my former classmates are in their fields of study... It almost unleashes that little green monster inside of me, and I wish that I would have been more diligent in trying to finish my degree back in 2004, that I would have been more serious in trying my hand at success, because it would have made my current life easier...at least, financially easier.
I still find myself in the constant struggle of wanting to finish my degree and stay at home, which with every passing year gets more and more difficult. I have had many employment opportunities, but the truth of the matter is, that none of them even stack up to the milestones that I get to experience with my boys.
Not even a multi million, pottery barn perfect home would come remotely close to being able to experience every moment of my boys' lives.
And although I fantasize about going to work, and being praised for my efforts because staying home the only praises you get are from a prompted two year old ("say thank you"), the recognition is almost non-existant.
I'm fully aware that I'm facing a temporary bout of grassisgreener-itis and that it, will soon pass (like it does so many times before) quickly and painlessly.
But can you have it all? Call me Veruca Salt if you would like, but I would like to have it all (minus the ten thousand tons of ice cream). I would love to have the ability to provide a source of income for my family as well as holding down the fort and raising our boys. I would enjoy helping contribute to our families financial state of well being, and I truly enjoy positive interaction with other adults. But careers aren't all smiles and rainbows, and interaction isn't always positive. At least my interaction is filled with love.
It's just easy to feel inferior when surrounded by the successes of your former peers. In my perfect world smiles would pay the bills.
But that's not reality, sometimes you have to make sacrifices and give up on the idea of having it all.
I am blessed to wake up to these silly guys every morning... because in our small, imperfect house, they make me FEEL like I have it all.
And honestly that's all that matters anyway.