Your Mom.

Does anyone else remember how crazy insuting your mom jokes were? I do. Actually, I had a moment today where Theo told me that I was "yucky" (I didn't take it personally, these days everything is yucky) and my only response was "Your Mom", which was quickly followed with annyoing hyenea like laughter because yes, I crack myself up. I'm mean really.

I'm kinda looking forward to the day that Theo gets to enjoy "your mommas so fat" jokes. Hopefully at that point in our lives it won't hit too close to home for him (a.k.a I'm hoping that if I sit on a rainbow skittles WON'T pop out) and that he'll be able to get a good laugh. Yes "your mom" jokes are offensive and rude, but they are generalized jokes. I can guarantee that NO ONE performed market research to actually create jokes about your mom. Moms are funny. Sometimes I forget that I am one, until I glimpse at myself in the mirror before a shower and realize that I look more like those women on National Geographic than the models on a magazine. But who cares. We live in a time where Victoria no longer keeps a secret about how to harness boobs up to your neck, and that spanx are sold in every store (even Wal- Mart). You can actually buy a new body if you had the means or at least cover it up with pounds and pounds of makeup. Not to mention the weaves and wigs to make yourself look completely unrecognizable and georgous.

I'm just wondering if one day I'll turn into that mom that's stuffy and uptight. Life is so short and laughter is what gets me through, but I can't help but wonder if one day I'll be one "your mom" joke away from buying front crotch jeans (the jeans that accentuate the lady parts) and step touching my way around mother/ son dances. That being said... I also don't want to pull a complete 180 and try too hard. We all know the Juicy wearing, blonde- highlight moms with the quint essential Tiffany ball earrings and the spray tan (strike that... I'll do a spray tan, I look damn good with a spray tan). The " I'm a cool mom" Amy Poehler circa Mean Girls. Let's be real that's just as annoying. Isn't there a middle of the road? Stil being true to yourself as well as being a great parent?

I know that as a parent at some point you have to pretend that you are naive and that at one time you only "walked the straight and narrow", but when do you get to be real? My parents were completely nuts. I mean they had me later in life, so they were always open and honest about everything...they didn't know how much life they had left.  I felt like my entire life I knew them for who they were and I truly respected that. I knew that they weren't perfect and they didn't pretend to be. I'm not saying that they were inappropriate, quite the opposite...they always kept things age appropriate, I remember when I was 10 I told my dad that I heard a "your mom" joke on the playground. When he asked to hear it he laughed. Because that's what it was...a joke and jokes are funny  (sometimes). Jokes aren't always nice, however they are fine as long as they aren't specifically directed at someone. Because it is all in good fun. People need to lighten up. I know that we live in an "everyone gets a trophy" no one gets hurt society, but isn't that a part of life? I think that we have gotten to the point of sheltering our kids emotions, that they don't know how to handle anything situational that isn't rainbows and butterflies.

I've never been perfect and I don't ever claim to be, but I'm so excited to just be able to be myself with my kids. Of course, I'll be the disciplinearian when necessary, and I'll try to be the best role model possible. But I love to laugh. Heck I stay awake at night thinking about how much fun it'll be to hear the things that my boys come up with and I also look forward to "embarassing them with their friends" (stuff like big smooches in front of their friends when they are 13) and teaching them that it doesn't really matter what other people think of you. The highest level of self confidence is when you can take a joke and laugh at yourself, because sometimes life hands you certain situations that only give you  two choices... laughter or tears. I'll choose laughter everytime.

One of my first examples of this was when I was in the 3rd grade. My bus stop was in front of our driveway, and my dad would watch me climb aboard from our front porch (he was a stay at home dad). This particular day we were back after a string of snow days, and as usual, the top of our driveway (and the road) was covered in a thick sheet of ice. I remember ever so gingerly taking slow steps to make my way to the door, when I lost my footing and fell flat. Legs spread hair wet, I was soaked. To make matters worse I was wearing this totally sweet, quilted Mickey Mouse sweatsuit that held all of the water like a sponge. Soaked and humiliated I stood up slowly only to have the weight of my pants create a plumber like effect exposing my hiny. Through the tears I saw my dad coming to help me up and waving the bus onward. As the bus drove away I could hear the laughter and ridicule coming from inside. Even 6th graders were laughing and calling me "butt girl". As we went inside to change i was crying my face off and refusing to go to school, because everyone was going to make fun of me. As I was throwing a pretty big pity party for myself, my dad was helping me change and making sure I was okay checking me for bumps and bruises. Immediately he stopped grabbed my shoulders and said "Jess!"Seeing his immediate concern I gave him my full attention and stopped crying as he finished his dramatic statement, "Are you okay?" he gasped "you fell so hard you must have cracked your butt". My next reaction was the same as any other 9 year old. I burst out laughing...a butt joke! How perfectly appropriate. Not the classiest, but it got the job done. What seemed to be a silly joke brought laughter and freedom from the thoughts of those silly other kids. That day I learned a valuable lesson. When others are laughing at you...laugh louder, because life is too short to care what they thought anyway. For all I knew every single one of those kids could have fallen getting off the bus that same day. Why waste even  a millisecond of my life worrying about what others are thinking of me, when in reality, they  are probably spending all of their time worrying about what I thought of them.

Maybe I'll take it differently in 12 years when I hear a "your mom" joke and my joke sensors get tangeled up with my hurt feeling sensors. Actually, it's waaaaaayyyy  more probable that I'll be the one teaching my boys the "your mom" jokes. Laughing like a fool and likely offending someone. Lighten up. 'Cause that's how I roll.

1 comment:

  1. I clicked on your blog link and am catching up today, as a much-needed break in my annoying Monday work day. Your blog posts are spectacular.

    You have me in tears. Was I supposed to cry at this blog post? Well, I did. Your dad....oh, that is SO the parent I've tried to be. I have naturally driven, good kids. I want them to enjoy life at the same time! It is completely bizarre to talk down a kid that is crying because he/she received something less than an "A", but that is what I've had to do. The number one thing I've tried to teach was to not give a darn what everyone else in the world thinks. It's hard sometimes, but I hope it's hitting home a bit now....and I hope when my kids are parents, they look back on what I'm doing as more right than wrong. The way you do with your parents.

    Laurie H (the thankful mom that had you as a babysitter many times before you decided to have your own little ones)