Library fun.

Wednesdays are our favorite day of the week. Being a stay at home mom, any excuse to get out of the house is awesome. Combine that with free and that is awesome times infinity.

Wednesdays we go to toddler time at the local library. It's a terrific excuse for Theo and Elliot to get some (did I mention free) interaction with other kids. It's also a great excuse to interact with other moms that eat sleep and breathe mommyhood. A total win win.

Last week was our first time and it was stellar, we were only one of two families that were there and my boys made friends and behaved as though they were the most cultured chidren on the planet. They behaved as though we attended literary events on a daily basis. I left feeling like super mom. I even had visions of our perfect family reading in the foyer (pronounced FOY A) with our perfectly  matching children in perfectly matching little ascots. I mean face it, we all look great in plaid and Rob would look so cool smoking a pipe by the fire.

So naturally like the fool I am, I had those expectations on my 2 year old and 8 month old. Reality check,  we are not that classy. Strike that... yesterday we didn't appear classy at all. Homeless is more like it. Classy with a capital ASS.

Mistake #1. We woke up late. Which means we had to sacrifice appearances. Now I LOVE my new short hair, but if I don't shower it and style it immediatly upon waking I look like Kate Gosselin on drugs. On top of that I had no makeup (hello invisible eyebrows) and just threw on a tee, leggins and my moccisons. The boys looked disheviled as well. Peanut butter on faces, crazy out of control hair and to boot, Theo was wearing pants from last year (high waters). Elliot had the opposite problem...he was wearing Theo's way too big hand me downs and had baby cleavage hanging out the top. All of this would have been fine, except instead of walking into a virtually empty room (with the exception of the frumpy librarian like last week) we walked late into pleasantville. I squeezed my kids in between perfectly groomed, baby gap wearing, perfectly behaved robot children. Children that probably walked on command at 8 months and never ever made messes. Then there were the mommies. Tori Burch shoes, Rock and Republic jeans, Tiffany wedding rings and perfectly applied makeup. I looked down to my saggy puke covered shirt and my mismatched moccisons.  Oh well I thought, at least my children behave really really well.

Mistake #2. That thought should have never ever crossed my mind. I don't know if it was the overstimulation or if in fact my chidren felt the need to act the way they looked (trashy) but all hell broke loose. For a child that sits well and pays attention in church, and usually listens to adults, Theo walked wround amlessly touching other kids (hello? AWKWARD) and refused to listen to the story. He kept taking the story props and strategically placing them around the room. Needless to say the librarian was none too pleased. Nor was I. While I was chasing Theo, Elliot was crawling around like a hungry monster, taking off the other babies name tags and trying to eat them. Finally after having to finger swipe Elliot for the third time , I began packing our belongings to make my great escape, because clearly this day was a total loss. The librarian saw my distress and declared "free play time" because my guys had caused a melee and the other kids began joining in. There was about to be an Occupy Library protest with my children at the helm.  I thought "whew this will help, Theo LOVES free play." Almost immediatly after having that thought (shocker), I noticed Theo and a little girl about half his size were getting into some type of scuffle over a toy truck. Knowing what was to come next,  I bolted over to the situation just a split second too late to grab him before he smacked her in the face. Of course Theo wouldn't apologize and of course the mom of the victim was a former teacher so she was analyzing my every disciplining move. Red faced and defeated I made Theo sit away from the action for what seemed like forever until he was ready to apologize. TEN minutes later my little Stonewall Jackson finally apologized, and  I quickly snatched up Elliot and our belongings as we scooted out the door.

After hooking them into their car seats. Theo morphed back  into my perfect and innocent lovebug. He looked at me with a peanut butter grin and sweetly asked

"Have fun at the library Ma Ma?"


  1. Thank you for posting this. FOR REAL.
    I had to carry Noah out of the-very-furthest-back-corner of Home Depot the other day in an all out toddler mental break down.
    All the male employees looked at me, my very pregnant belly and my VERY wild and loud toddler like I had the plague. It was like the very noise of Noah's wild cries were sterilizing them as I passed.
    As soon as we got to the car I put Noah in the back seat while I waited for Kevin to finish shopping and he had a dance party and was totally back to normal...
    I remember when I got red in the face if I had to read out loud in class..Noah fixed that problem!
    Oh, the joys of toddlerhood :)

  2. Jess! This is hilarious! I love your writing style too! Great work Mom :) We definitely need a playdate next time you're in Beavercreek so our kids can be wild together and through all apologies out the window!!