These are words that I use in my everyday life now as a mommy. Sure, as a kid I got "tired" from playing outside all day or "sleepy" from staying up too late at a sleepover, but this feeling of complete exhaustion is a whole new Christopher Columbus expedition of sorts.
The first question seasoned parents ask new parents is usually questioning how sleeping is going. I thought that was an arbitrary question, a conversation starter...kinda like "how's the weather?"
Little did I realize that these parents were trying to cry out for help, or at least give me a "get out while you still can" moment. I still remember answering the sleeping question during my honeymoon stage with my perfect new newborn Theo, saying that everything was perfect... and how great we were all sleeping. flowers, rainbows, blah blah blah.
On behalf of all parents I would like to request a do over to answer that question.
NOT AT ALL. NOBODY IS SLEEPING. EVER.
I mean sure, there are times that my eyes are closed and I am still, but my body rests in this weird twilight zone esque subconscious state, but really my mommy brain is working overtime listening for bad dreams , making sure everyone is breathing in rythem, and crazy sleepwalking . In between breastfeeding every 2 hours..
Besides that, somehow everyone ends up in our tiny queen sized bed by morning. Have you ever slept with a two year old and a 8 month old? It's probably the equivelent of trying to sleep with tiny ninja people. It's weird. they somehow slither in through the darkness and before you know it, arms and legs end up around your neck. Also children are only comfortable sleeping horizontally in a vertical bed.
to put it point blank. I never wake up well rested. I awake with just enough juice to conquer the day and when I run out the Keurig is always willing to help. I'm hoping it gets better, but I'm finding that with every new age comes new fears that keep me up at night.
Honestly you will never EVER understand this level of exhaustion until you have children. Even if you work a strenuous job or are out late every night, sooner or later you have the opportunity to catch up on your rest and sleep your tiredness away. NOT with children. They are there 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I am even lucky enough to have an amazing hubster who will let me sleep in on Sundays, but it's tough to get quality rest when you hear "Where's mama"? and toys banging in the backgound. Gone are the days where I could sleep until noon and hang out all day in my pajamas (strike that I still hang out all day in my pajamas).
The weirdest part of it all is that it's totally worth it.
Yes I'm always tired. Yes I'm usually cranky. Yes my social life is non-existant, but I don't care. These boys and this life are all that matter to me. These little boogers show me why I was put on this earth and what I should be doing with my life. They make me want to be a better person and to try new things. They also make me an overprotective worry wort and that's okay too. As annoyed as I may be to awaken with a toe in my ear (yes this has happened) it's quickly followed by an overwhelming feeling of thankfulness. A thankfullness that the big guy upstairs gave me these stinky boys to guide. Thankful... because so many people are unable to wake up to that annoyance.
These boys not only have my energy, but they have my heart.